despicable. grime. vermin. wretch. sodomite. pathetic. insect.

Description: Gaberiel A lousy excuse of a knight of the Templars I think myself to be a person who is good and just I hold myself to that of a knight of great chivalry and truth While under my armour I find myself a small boy made of twigs, my pompous lies echoing off of cold steel, wracking my frail body. I convince myself that I let friends into me, past my armour, my rotting hull. I tell myself they’ve let me into them, when I know I’m fabricating false factualities. I tell them of grand plans and great times, loaded with lies, lies plugging holes in moments I've nearly completely forgotten. I use my armour to shield my comrades, much to how it shields my shadow. I see rays of light gleam through the slits, the openings, the cracks, of my armour. when I move towards those beams, reaching for the warmth they give me when I‘m under their chorus of praise and laud, my armour moves, cutting them out. Those rays, rays that could luminate my shadow, shunning it from me, so close, yet ever evading. Without them, those moments of attainable glory, I shiver and shudder and shake. I fear finally shriveling and crumbling, in my armour, in that shell, where none may reach me past my self imposed cage. I fear dying inside this armor and none will notice, none will see the difference. Yet, I still stand, I still march, I still move, I still love and care and hope. I have changed, not fully, but I changed, and I continue to change, I have shed parts of that armor, that hollow hull. I have replaced it with a less guarding, yet accepting suit of armor, a suit that doesn’t deflect and ignore the plighted and pitied. I still fall into that pit, worry and doubt inside it, always inviting and beckoning, but now, I bring with me a light of comfort and will into that pit. I now lay in that light that seemed so fleeting, so unattainable, so unreachable, now lighting away that shadow. A cloud of failure and foolishness can find its way into the path of that light, but it never stays, it always falls away. I try to surround myself with examples and demonstrations of courage, bravery, honesty, faith, and purity, and cast away lingerings of doubt, hate, contempt, and malice. I come into a position of being content, I’ve made peace, I’ve been brightened, I’ve now comfortably rested. I, am happy.