The worst part of it all is knowing this cycle isnt going anywhere. its gonna happen again and im gonna beat myself wondering why i let it happen. if he wasnt my brother i truly honestly would despise him from the bottom of my soul. with every fiber of my being. but i cant, hes my brother, i cant hate my own flesh and blood... i just couldnt bring myself to hate a brother no matter how he hurts me. i still love him, this much i know, but i really just wanna give up on him.