rp gallery

14d431 and then during all of the things you did afterwards i found out about your ex status and i think that concreted a revulsion, not out of hatred fully, just a "i do not want to be near".

14d431 i was angry, because we had alot of deep talks and it felt like we had a good friendship, and then i found out about the messages in the groupchat, and i got really mad, and i believe at the time you where allready not feeling well, you kept telling me that i didnt really mean much to you and that the conversations didnt really mean much, which made me even more upset, and then later on you apologized, but i felt very reserved towards you, which lead to half-baked conversations and wary interactions, which I believe only made things worse for your mental.

14d431 i mean by that, that even if i didnt have bad intention, i feel as if i added to the push

070ca2 i probably didnt even realize if you had a part in how i felt, i just blamed everything on myself, despite what i said about my value

14d431 i did some very stupid things

070ca2 although, id be lying if i said i was okay with knowing you didnt have hate. its more accurate to say that, im very bittersweet about that

14d431 no it wouldnt be, you only did all of that because you where prompted. my actions where part of that prompting where they not. im at least partially at fault for making you feel upset enough to do those things

070ca2 your hate would be justified, since i never forgave myself for anything i did. i wanted to acknowledge if there was any.

14d431 mm

070ca2 but, i know you all have that happiness that keeps you who you are.

14d431 i am not a hateful person danger

070ca2 i see.

14d431 if it makes you feel less lonely i think we all struggle with happiness here

14d431 you aren't a bad person and i don't see you as one

070ca2 cherishing your happiness while you have time to,

070ca2 i am glad you are all cherishing your happiness, i could see some of that.

070ca2 im sorry for being this way, and im happy that i am no longer in your way anymore. sorry for causing things to go bad when i did

14d431 i only see apologies as hollow if they hold zero meaning to change

070ca2 even though i said hollow apologies dont matter

14d431 hahaha

14d431 though those feelings are as valid as any as you say

070ca2 hahah, i guess im still trying to find reasons to hate myself more by saying all of that.

14d431 truest feelings do not constitute truest beliefs, usually momentary thoughts built off of inner echo chambering

070ca2 i take all of that in mind.

070ca2 i believe that anger always held the truest feelings, so everything that is said shouldve been taken with as much consideration as anything else.

14d431 its rare to actually mean things when you're angry

070ca2 im sure it would be. i see it as such. i linger around here despite all the sayings i had about leaving,

14d431 my feelings are not justified yet i ask others to recognize them anyways

070ca2 then you find it easy to have your feelings justified, just as everyone elses

14d431 im not saying either of you are still interacting im saying i tend to focus on the past when it comes to things like that unfortunately

070ca2 i would see zed trying to, but i have focused on other things by now to see what i have left to give. its a shame this channel shares the two of us.

7d41af *watching the conversation*

14d431 I would prefer physical distance if I can't have mental

14d431 you dont want or need to know, but in my eyes and mind you are still interacting. all the interactions. again and again.

070ca2 i never planned on interacting with Zed again, since i dont believe anything i did was their partner was beneficial to their wellbeing. there is mostly nothing but regret from me

14d431 still good for you to know

14d431 angriness has a tendency to fade, which is unfortunate because the reason for the anger usually doesnt

070ca2 sorry, i worded that one post weirdly. i tend to say "you" as in myself, just so i could remember the things i did

14d431 basically im not angry at you for what happened but you're zeds ex so i dont want to interact with you or for him to interact with you

070ca2 i view myself as a human, so i dont view any changes as guarantee to be positive. infact, the negative portions that stayed made me feel extremely hollow now. what could i really say if it was better, other than I dont view worth in being angry

14d431 i forget one on one happenstance easily, even if its against my friends or loved ones. I'm not so easy going when it comes to more moral, relationship related situations.