rp gallery

006d2b hold on lemme read through all of this

236914 now you all really know the depths my awful behaviour.

236914 if you see all this and decide that you longer want anything to do with me, i completely understand.

236914 i also carried a few misogynistic beliefs, as an evil cherry on top.

236914 i was also what the kids would call a "crashout". i would get very destructive when i was angry and i have issued horrible threats. to be fair the kid was actually a horrid person but two wrongs dont make a right.

236914 i was also a pervert gooner which doesn't add much since i didnt perv on anyone i knew in person but it's evil thing nonetheless

236914 i used minorities like "indian" and "jew" as insults, and was sort of homophobic as well. now i recognize this is inter because i myself am bisexual.

236914 i made horrible comments about indians, chinese people spanish people and who wouldve guessed, black people. the last two being odd because i myself am largely spanish and black,

34e3f5 *watches*

236914 i picked up all the standard traits of such a hateful person, but sometimes under the guise of "im joking!!!" which... i dont know. i truly believe i was plain and simply a racist back then.

236914 i got agressive multiple times. never did i hit anybody though (unless someone else started the fight, which was different.) people rejected me, and that only made me angrier.

236914 this birthed the hatred, i brought it entirely upon myself. it grew quickly from a passive agressive remark to vicious, pointless lashings for anyone who would dare speak differently then i did, talk about me in any way, anything really.

236914 at first i wasnt rude about it- i would just... reject people. but as it went on i started to become bitter seeing others having friends. "Why wont they try with me?!?!" when all i did was push them away. i didnt try, but expected them to.

236914 it came from the pandemic. thats when it all truly manifested. i had always been a troubled youth, but it hit me then. No one. alone. it got to me. soon i reject the notion that i needed people at all. i turned anybody and everybody away.

674960 If its there, and nothing is happening, then there needs to be more.

236914 the effort is there. thats not what's missing.

674960 WHat im trying to tell you is to reflect, to open up to people, to put in the effort to make your life different, things arent going to change or get better on their own

236914 i should explain why i've starting saying all of this recently, shouldnt i? but i fear it. rejection, as i've been rejected many times before.

674960 Your life is your canvas. If you want to stop falling, to get off the ground, then you have to put in the effort to do so

236914 this has been upon my shoulders for all of my recent life. it could be a long time i spend with it there.

402a02 oreo cakest. this isn't a good time is it?

236914 it swung at me, and i've finally hit the ground. then again, is there ground to hit? i could stay falling forever for all i know.

2d93ee I don’t want to call you untruthful but perhaps you’re speaking too rashly when you say that a certain feeling will remain until you die, if you think back to a year from now, do you remember knowing if you would be like how you are now? Most likely not, because humans are really bad at knowing what’s to come, but we tend to apply our current state to both the future and the past.

674960 You cannot earn if you do not work. You just have to keep working.

236914 this hatred i've spread for so long will remain with me for years to come, likely until i die. the world never swung at me, but i felt attacked. i swung "back" at it and got away with it. now it's swinging back for what i've done.

4cf6cd

8ced08 Then you arent looking on the right areas.

236914 i look everywhere i can. like i said, i have no direction.

8ced08 Life does not just simply pour meaning into itself, youre meant to search for that meaning. If you continue to only look down, you might aswell wear a blindfold

236914 for all i know, i could be looking up right now. my life is directionless, there is no meaning to up and down. it's all the same.

8ced08 There are never no locals.

8ced08 You look around, and ask the locals for directions;

236914 how do you look up when you dont know your direction?

8ced08 this is progress. Its okay to vent here.

8ced08 if you only ever look down, you will never ssee the sky, nor the stars, nor the moon, nor the sun, or the rainbows that might form in the sky. That is, until you look into a puddle, a shattered mirror, a reflection.

236914 I would tell you the depths of my depravity, but the truth is: i'm too afraid. you'd all know me for what i was, and rightfully you'd distance yourselves. then again, nobody on in the mornings/afternoon really cares about me, it's only the evening crowd.

816c09 Jimmy was right then, carry on or something idk :P

236914 this is no lyric. this is how i feel.

236914 i feel as though i have lied to you all about who i truly am. or who i was, i guess. if any of you knew me in real life, none of you would like me.

816c09 I think it's a song but I could be very wrong.

236914 my hatred of others was only outmatched by my hatred of myself. i channeled this hatred into others. verbal lashings, violent outbursts, horrid comments, pure twisted rage. and it fed upon itself.