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070ca2 your hate would be justified, since i never forgave myself for anything i did. i wanted to acknowledge if there was any.

14d431 mm

070ca2 but, i know you all have that happiness that keeps you who you are.

14d431 i am not a hateful person danger

070ca2 i see.

14d431 if it makes you feel less lonely i think we all struggle with happiness here

14d431 you aren't a bad person and i don't see you as one

070ca2 cherishing your happiness while you have time to,

070ca2 i am glad you are all cherishing your happiness, i could see some of that.

070ca2 im sorry for being this way, and im happy that i am no longer in your way anymore. sorry for causing things to go bad when i did

14d431 i only see apologies as hollow if they hold zero meaning to change

070ca2 even though i said hollow apologies dont matter

14d431 hahaha

14d431 though those feelings are as valid as any as you say

070ca2 hahah, i guess im still trying to find reasons to hate myself more by saying all of that.

14d431 truest feelings do not constitute truest beliefs, usually momentary thoughts built off of inner echo chambering

070ca2 i take all of that in mind.

070ca2 i believe that anger always held the truest feelings, so everything that is said shouldve been taken with as much consideration as anything else.

14d431 its rare to actually mean things when you're angry

070ca2 im sure it would be. i see it as such. i linger around here despite all the sayings i had about leaving,

14d431 my feelings are not justified yet i ask others to recognize them anyways

070ca2 then you find it easy to have your feelings justified, just as everyone elses

14d431 im not saying either of you are still interacting im saying i tend to focus on the past when it comes to things like that unfortunately

070ca2 i would see zed trying to, but i have focused on other things by now to see what i have left to give. its a shame this channel shares the two of us.

7d41af *watching the conversation*

14d431 I would prefer physical distance if I can't have mental

14d431 you dont want or need to know, but in my eyes and mind you are still interacting. all the interactions. again and again.

070ca2 i never planned on interacting with Zed again, since i dont believe anything i did was their partner was beneficial to their wellbeing. there is mostly nothing but regret from me

14d431 still good for you to know

14d431 angriness has a tendency to fade, which is unfortunate because the reason for the anger usually doesnt

070ca2 sorry, i worded that one post weirdly. i tend to say "you" as in myself, just so i could remember the things i did

14d431 basically im not angry at you for what happened but you're zeds ex so i dont want to interact with you or for him to interact with you

070ca2 i view myself as a human, so i dont view any changes as guarantee to be positive. infact, the negative portions that stayed made me feel extremely hollow now. what could i really say if it was better, other than I dont view worth in being angry

14d431 i forget one on one happenstance easily, even if its against my friends or loved ones. I'm not so easy going when it comes to more moral, relationship related situations.

070ca2 to say i wish i could fix things is a hollow apology, as if you felt that way, you wouldve gladly reconcile a long time ago.

14d431 do you not believe your mindset to be any better?

070ca2 Well, i feel better in the sense that, ive only damaged myself more. im more so accepting of what i am now, and i dont feel like my anger has reason anymore

7d41af *opens conveniently placed door* Yo.

070ca2 i wanted to give myself a reason to despise myself in the future by acting in a horrible way, being the same horrible person that i know of from people in my actual life, who treated me the same

14d431 do you think you are better now?

070ca2 i believed that was the case, cause i felt like i was seen as someone you should keep far away, someone who wasn't taken seriously despite what issues they may bring up. I ended up with self-sabotage after that feeling came boiling over and it just became an extension of what i already hated about myself so much before