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236914 same silly string- i dont play a character (anymore), i'm just me.

bce8e5 theres a side of you that you cant find a place to express in public, but its still just as valid as a part of you as any other part, so you find it easy to slip into that identity on other places

9df770 In that sense, you'd be going to a place naturally where objects or anti-individualistic things wouldnt go, instead a cohesive unity that doesn't have the emotion from individualistic things

7d768d Yeah maybe, it’s not like i really play a character online, most of my interactions nowadays come from my genuine thought rather than what i deem under being cool, actually i think im less ‘me’ irl to fit in with the normgroids in school and such. Even though i like them alot more than any cord or xitter ###

bce8e5 not physically far, conceptually. everything else was tied to being human in some way, roads, fences, walls. the dark forrest felt total and anti-individual

9df770 you often surround yourself with what you see yourself as

236914 i have stuff like that sometimes. it sucks, really makes me feel miserable yk

bce8e5 I think it was mostly the fact that the forrest at night was the furthest thing from a person I could be in the presence of in that period

bce8e5 I developed a tic from that period that still comes up today when I'm really stressed, even if I didn't feel any sort of anxiety or frustration during that period, a small muscle in my lower left lip would twitch repeatedly, something that I can't even remotely do voluntarily.

236914 true strength comes from within. life can only harm you within. a strong will is a strong person; and only the strong survive.

9df770 from what I see, the forest darkness seems to be the closest representation to the "void" you feel from such a situation. Its like your emotions had stopped entirely yet your comprehension heightened to a state of an end goal, skipping the process and "emotion" that goes along with what you experience. In a way, taking pictures of those objects can be a representation of the "emotion" you want to capture again, and the forest darkness representating the "nothing" that used to be full of something, like a forest would be full of life.

bce8e5 I felt more like an object than a human, like the water bottle on my desk rather than the body sitting in the chair

236914 then again, it isnt really up to you how you. it's not something one can control, only something one can survive.

236914 i've never felt anything like that- i dont think i could ever let myself fall so low- i hold my head above this water no matter how deep it is.

bce8e5 I remember calling myself Nobody

bce8e5 Wdym, and Silly String I can understand that, it's a disconnect between the personality you associate with and your physical nature, but you can actually move past the divide and realize there really isn't one once it's easier to see that physical representation is a lot more fluid and less restricted to categories than initially thought

bce8e5 I wnt to work with my dad, did my work like a machine, I didn't listen to any music, noted things down, and waited until my dad told me it was time to go home to stop. I ate food to get full, I used the bathroom to be empty, and I slept to be gone. I felt very, very odd.

9df770 such as a way of trying to find a representation of an entity that exists there with you as youre going through this?

bce8e5 My parents noticed it but just thought I was being weirdly complaint, I wouldn't complain or show any ounce of annoyance towards being told to do anything or that we where doing something I usually found tedious and annoying as a family. I remember being on a 3 hour drive to Virginia with my family, and sitting there without any music, any thoughts, any feelings, no "I wonder when we're going to get there." Just staring at the back of my mom's headrest the entire time, and only diverting my eyes once we got there. I didn't even move my neck out of tiredness or pain or anything, it was like I was just coming along.

e7125a I don’t think i’ve ever depersonalized tho, i don’t like looking at myself in the mirror i guess, not because im super ugly but because it just makes the furry avatars feel a little more gay when im faced with the fact that im a male teenager kekw

bce8e5 I didn't feel like a person, more like a body. The largest amount of "emotion" that I remember was some weird delirious worry that people could smell me rotting, since I thought I was actually dead and just "pretending" to be alive. It was very odd. It wasn't scary, at all. I went out to the woods at night alot, it felt like they where calling me to go be there at night, I took alot of pictures of innocuous things, the asphalt, a playground post, a wooden bridge guardrail, a tree, the dark space between some trees. But it felt like when I looked into the darkness of the forrest I was looking into some grand cosmic mirror, since there wasn't a self anymore.

9df770 i see, and how did that affect how you went about doing your usual things?

fbdf37 Interesting

e7125a jeez bmo that sux, im in a similar situation right now, albeit not nearly as severe, and it’s mostly because i’ve been so sick lately

bce8e5 My therapist said that what came next is the depersonalization, it felt like Bmo died, and I was just left in my mental staring at his corpse, sort of bemused and uncertain what to do. It felt like I was some other being that just woke up and was handed the script for being Bmo.

fbdf37 auuuuu

e7125a It seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies and sex on tv

9df770 its a very volatile effect that leads to bipolar esque type moods.

bce8e5 A year ago I was going through an extremely mentally taxxing and emotionally punishing situation and I was repressing my feelings on it simply because it felt like I couldn't do anything, it surmounted to what felt like impossible amounts of pain and turmoil, I was in anguish whenever left alone with my thoughts, my bed frame has visible bite marks from when i bit down on it some nights out of fury and delirium while trashing around and groaning, just because of thoughts. throughout the day I was so pressurized with this dread and overwhelming doom that I was unable to do any daily task, I didn't feel like going to school, I didn't feel like going to work, I didn't feel like doing anything fun, I didn't feel like talking with anyone, after a bit I started to not feel at all.

9df770 derealization is like watching the world play from inside your head like a tv screen. you have no real control over what you do besides watching yourself do it. its like your body moves on your own and you aren't thinking of anything.

fbdf37 Farming my aura that's farming the aura

e7125a Would people that play vrchat like 24/7 fall under derealization?

bce8e5 derealization is a response to trauma/stress where the brain shuts itself off from the real world, it's almost like the real world melts away and you're left mentally stationary in your own world to protect yourself. People expreience it in different ways, personally I don't know if I've ever experienced it, but I bet it feels very off.

e7125a It would have to be very light music though, i want the video to like, ‘feel quiet’ whatever that means

bce8e5 i think music could add to it for sure

e7125a Well there’s no “dialogue” it’s a 1 sided convo but yk

9df770 enlighten me

e7125a also question for u guys, or at least people that have seen my previous animation, should i add music to this new one? It has alot more dialogue and it more based around a central conversation rather than a whole tale, but idk what i could even use that would make sense…

bce8e5 he brought up how what it probably was was depersonalization, do you know what the difference between derealization and depersonalization is?

9df770 i just got back wth is going onnn

e7125a Noted, im not going to pry for info about that if you dont want me to but, that’s very interesting