rp gallery

bce8e5 Yeah. Distinction is key. If I say that two conflicting thought patterns come from the same me, then chaos emerges and I don't know what to make of my thoughts, which leads to confusion and wrong decisions. So seperation occurs. Also, goodnight bloob.

9df770 and I see why the therapist made that comparison of Father and Superego

8defd6 seeya blobs

236914 farewell

236914 the cruel will be cruel, the savage will be savage, and i will be i. hold my head above the water i drown in as my strength disappears. i fight to save myself from drowning, i'll never go under; i'll be strong. for everyone who needs me, for everyone who loves me. Only the strong survive.

9df770 I see, so in that way, they're the reason why the goobers are categorized and known by you now because of Superego and The Doctor for the reason of that information being important for what it did.

bce8e5 Interesting analogy but I see

8defd6 yk i actually do say fa##ot alot nowadays, mostly to myself or at the screen tho, i dont think it's like any sort of internalized homophobia thoughever, or any homophobia at all, i think i've just started to cling to more edgy contents, not enough to start praising hitler or saying the n word but, idk just more provocative, i really want to do something provocative.

bce8e5 Superego and The Doctor exist as reinforcers. I don't think many of the goobers would "Exist" without them, since they're the ones that like to categorize and learn from things like the mind, especially my own. If a new state of being emerges, it's labeled and sorted for analysis, all for the better.

236914 i dont know what to do with myself

9df770 A comparison I like to note is that the goobers seem to be in line in your willingness to learn things, so I believe the goobers are physical reminders of periods of your mental state, and they act as permanent reminders due to its significance

c8d4e3 I exist

bce8e5 I understand

8defd6 anyway uh, idk bmo, as i might have stated im actually more 'chuddy' now compared to even back then, so i dont think it was because i thought it was gay or anything, just like kind of weird, it was definetly projection tho i was kind of obsessed award

bce8e5 he's still there, any goober that appears one day never goes away. prophet's still here too. Hubris is too probably, though I don't dig enough into my mind for that.

236914 im gonna do a new one, i think this one isnt good

8defd6 my phone wasnt sending posts mb

236914 hi silly string

9df770 Ah, so it was what I originally thought. It is a mental scar, but more importantly a reminder. You still remember what it was like to be nobody, unlike the lack of memory when you suddenly came back from nobody.

8defd6 hi hello

236914 i did my victor drawing, it's... idk how to feel about it

bce8e5 Oh I get what you mean but I don't think Nobody persists as any sort of protective device. Parts like Noia exist still simply to protect me, making sure I'm hyper aware of others behaviors and whatnot. Nobody is like a mental scar. He's the negative space of what was eaten away from my brain, and I only notice him when I try to use that missing part.

9df770 And I believe seeing nobody in reflections means that what is left of your rebuilt self was intentional suppression that is meant to stop that turmoil from happening, like removing a bad part to make a system run more efficiently, or more redundencies.

bce8e5 I notice the lack of care for things I once loved and there isn't a sadness, there's a mild confusion and curiosity as to why it isn't there. Like looking down at your arm and being like "huh. why is my hand not there. that's odd. i can't feel it at all."

9df770 I believe that lack of memory is a form of suppression from your brain. Whatever had happened to suddenly bring you back, although different with a void that was taken out, was a response by your brain to suppress any ways of causing that type of relapse, likely stemming from those things that you once felt immensely vibrant about.

bce8e5 Do you think part of it has to do with the fact that you used to find that sort of stuff overall stupid and disgusting, and hated it, and now that you're harboring any sort of interest towards it, that old hatred is clashing, like a "you're supposed to dislike this stupid idiotic liberal shit."

bce8e5 I have no clue. It sort of just happened. I have no memory of when I felt normal again. I'm just here. I still notice that I am not the same, it was like I was rebuilt. I still see nobody in small reflections, like when I no longer rush to answer someone if they ask me a question, not realizing I walked off to do something but I can still hear them, I don't harbor any care anymore to correct people on topics I once held at a lot of energy towards. I have a vacuum void in a lot of moments and actions that where once vibrant.

7d768d *hard to pin down, maybe it’s more like a “I should be in that role i would make it cool” even if i actually secretly enjoy the content, kind of how i feel about femtanyl actually. I don’t really like her music tho but it’s simmilarish

7d768d Oh my gosh that is unreadable sry

7d768d hard to pin down, maybe it’s more like a “I should be in that role i would make it cool” even if i actually so secretly enjoy the content, kind of how i feel about femtanyl actually. I don’t really like her music tho but it’s simmilarish

9df770 and what happened that caused you to come back from depersonalization?

bce8e5 Yes, it killed me

bce8e5 when you say that you feel angry when people are better than you, is it a sense of shame that they're doing something you think you can't, that you feel as if "I should be better than you, this is disgusting."

9df770 Do you think of what had occured to you before depersonalization is best described as something that internally ate you alive until you were "nobody" with no ego, becoming an object or anti-individual

7d768d The only thing i sort of hide online is that im still actually like incredibly vitriolic, maybe it still kind of slips out onto here but it’s mostly relegated to my head. I really hate a majority of people or find them extremely pretentious and annoying, even if i dont have a reason as to why. maybe jealousy, i dont really like people that are better than me, especially if they create content i deem as weird or outside the norm, even tho i am and do that too.

bce8e5 I gave it the name Nobody, it's probably best characterized by a state of severe depersonalization, and ego dissolution overall. I was not me anymore, I was nothing. I imagine states of nirvana and so forth feeling similar, with more pleasant aspects.

bce8e5 https://youtu.be/9YE_YxJ7K7M?si=WiZXPF-ldmGQl087

9df770 And this nobody is what you believe is similar to a corpse? If so, it may be a way of your mind putting yourself in a situation where you are "dead" and thus, you roam away from the living as you are essentially "dead" and finding yourself in that mirror that is the void.

bce8e5 God no I'm glad I'm myself again. I was unable to feel it at the time but being nobody was beyond any human sense of horrifying

9df770 would you consider that identity a part of yourself that you wish to express more, or find it more appropriate in non-public settings of anti-individualism?

bce8e5 yeah, a forrest at night is the last place you'd expect someone to go, someone who is just looking into the dark and calmly observing basically meaningless things for long periods of time. it felt the least "human" and therefor the most right, the most encompassing.