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5ebcab I have been looking at chat ... I just don't know when to come ...
d7d44c oh. . . hey DST, you seem to have found me at. . . errr. . . well not the greatest time in my life that for sure - Deadtale
5ebcab ...
d7d44c what am i even doing anymore. . . - Deadtale
d7d44c . . . - Deadtale
d7d44c i'd prefure it if you refured to my ACTURAL name, thanks. . . - Deadtale
d7d44c hey. . . - Deadtale
4d484c hi death tail
d7d44c go to bed if not i mean - Deadtale
d7d44c if anyone wants a moment to talk. . . i've got time. . . i've got crap all to do anyways. . . probably just gunna go to bed. . . for like. . . i don't know 12 hours or so - Deadtale
d7d44c guys. . . whatever you do, don't fall to what i have, don't fall victom to the ceacless void. . . loose the wills of things, loose all your motivations for anything good, stay strong, you can get through this, all you need to do is just try, ok? cause we all just need that bit of kind words to push us through, trust me, i know alot more about depression then a month ago. . . thats for sure. . . - Deadtale
d7d44c ya know. . . i wasn't gunna post anything here for a while, but i can't stop myself from checking. . . and now i wish i didn't check up on things here. . . because what i just caught wind of, is not great. . . i can't. . . i don't. . . i don't know, technically it's nothing to do with me, but i can't just ignore that when i'm going through a similar things. . . what is with this year and fricking suicide. . . someone i know knows someone who did it not that long ago, i have a friend trying this crap and now this?. . . i need a new year. . .like. . . anything but this crap - Deadtale
4d484c *shuts up*
c72701 Cya later.
827386 The police wont do anything if youre overreacting, but its a good idea to call them just to make sure mix. But ok. Please stay safe, and i genuinly hope everything turns out fine
827386 *up, leave for now moko
c72701 What if I'm just overreacting about it? she could be completelyfine. God I hate this. I hate this so much. BMO I think I'm going to get off for today. I cant do this. my mind is racing too fast.
827386 Moko shut us
827386 You wont be. If you really are concerned that she might do something, you can call 911 and give them her address. You feel like thats the right decision? Just so they can check up on her?
4d484c that's technically suicide on her part
c72701 What If I'm too late? I sent her a text, apologizing about 10 minutes ago. it has not been opened yet. BMO what if I'm too late? I don't want to be the cause of it. I don't want to be a murderer of my own MOTHER.
827386 We say rash things in angry moments mix. Things that we dont mean. But you should be there for her more. She’s obviously not on good terms with your grandma, so you should be there for her now. Can you visit soon?
827386 I know that you feel like what you did cant be fixed, but it can. Give it time, it’ll get better. Wounds heal.
c72701 BMO, She said in a text, not to me, but to my own grandma, of which my grandma sent me, she said something about suicide in it, BMO. that IF she does it. BMO, am I the cause of that? Would I be the cause of it?
827386 Parents are more forgiving than we realize, because they love us. Your mom will love you no matter what, it’ll genuinly turn out ok.
827386 You did mix, but it wasnt your fault. And you can fix it. You can say sorry, and she can forgive you. You can visit her more often and bring her gifts, go to events with her. Its okay. We get overwhelmed by things alot, its part of being human, but it’ll be ok.
c72701 I hurt my mom, BMO. Buty doing this, It hurt her so much. wso so much. I don't know what I'm going to do, BMO. I am scared. I am so scared. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to punch something so hard it breaks my entire hand. I just want this all to stop.
827386 You arent a horrible son mix. You where a victim if circumstance. Your grandmother knowingly or unknowingly manipulated how you view your mother, and based off of what she said, you made a logical decision. It wasnt your fault, but its not too late to make amends with your mother either. Shes your mom after all, you two will allways love each other no matter what hardship or challenges are between you.
c72701 God my life fucking sucks. I apologized to my mom. I hurt her. I mentally hurt her by not visiting her. but I had heard so many things that my grandma said that made me not want to go, and now that I realize it, God I hope it isnt too fucking late. God I'm such a horrible son
827386 Dont apologize mix. Just try and calm down, please. I dont want you panicking like this.
c72701 fuck. not another one. Ill be back in a bit. Panic attack. sorry BMO.
c72701 For the past few weeks, I have gone to my grandma's place. I haven't told my mother because of the things I heard from my grandma. And now my mom is saying she was lying and that if"If I don't want to see her, then fine. she will be there if I want to go there" and there are so many things from both sides that have me confused. I am so fucking scared, BMO.
c72701 it hurts. so fucking bad. And I am scared. I am terrified. I don't know what to do. I feel like a dick. I don't know who to trust and it is tearing me apart.
827386 Try and calm down please, it will help your mind clear. Maybe get a drink of water? Then you can explain what happened? Please mix
c72701 BMO I don't know anymore. My own MOTHER is telling me one thing, but then my g-ma is telling another. BOTH are something against one another. I don't know who to fucking believe. I want to believe my mom, but the trauma tells me not to. my nana is trustworthy, but she has done so fucking much to go against that. I am left confused. so damn dconfused. I just want it to end. I want the fucking pain of not knowing to fucking end.
827386 What happened mix? Youre scaring me. I think you should lie down for a bit or maybe go for a walk or do some breathing excersizes just to calm your mind a bit. I dont want you hurting yourself or someone or doing something rash.
a99c32 I just want fucking PEACE. But it is so DAMN hard to get when I don't know who is LYING. THERE ARE TOO MANY SIDES. I Feel like the fucking VILLIAN because of it. it tears at me, peiceby peice form the inside out. It hurts so fucking BAD. I Want to believe her, but I don't know who to fucking believe. I just want to be happy. I just want a fucking HAPPPY day. a SINGLE fucking day. FUCK. I JUST WANT to KNOW who to believe. because the more I think I fucking know, the more something makes me doubt it.
a99c32 I want to believe someone, And I want to believe others. I just DONT FUCKING KNOW who to believe. I don't feel like I'm safe anywhere. not even with myself. My own MOTHER has done things in my life that fucking has me in point of nightmares sometimes. I want to just get it all to STOP. I don't know who to believe anymore. I don't know who to trust anymore. I don't know anything.
3ba7cd From being told things left and right, I am so lost. I am so confused. I am fucking fuming. I go here. I go there, but something always HAS to follow. it ALWAYS fucking does. I am so pent up and fed up with this shit. my mind is racing so much and now I don't even know what I am, WHO I am anymore.
c72701 I think I have finally reached my breaking point. If one more inconvienyent thing happens I don't know what I'ma do.
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